by Rev. Bill Gupton

If it’s spring, can our annual congregational meeting be far behind? Church members are reminded to come to church early on Sunday, June 2, for our annual meeting. As stakeholders in Heritage Church, your vote and voice are needed as decisions are made about church leadership, budget priorities and more. I look forward to seeing you all in the sanctuary at 8:30 a.m. on June 2.

For me, it will be a homecoming of sorts, as I will be away throughout the month of May. If you’d like to discuss details of my time away, please do not hesitate to call or email me prior to May 4. I will be completely unavailable from May 5 through May 27. If you have an emergency or pastoral need during that time, please contact staff members Denise Martinez or Rev. Leslie Woodward.

Did you see that Heritage Acres was mentioned, and I was quoted, in the current edition of Cincinnati Magazine? Check it out at your favorite newsstand, or at the Cincinnati Magazine online site.  You can also read more about Heritage Acres, and the latest news from our green burial project, elsewhere in this Heirloom.

Wishing you a bright and beautiful spring! See you in June!

Namaste,
Rev. Bill

May, 2019.

by Jaime Castle

I have a confession to make. I used to feel guilty about it, but somewhere along the way, I let that go. There’s not a one of you who probably haven’t felt the same way too. There are probably different levels of reactions, though, some feeling very guilty and others, no qualms at all. I’m talking about the times when you just “can’t people” or just don’t like people in general. I have a hard time following our First Principle in my heart sometimes.

The first Principle of Unitarian Universalism is: The inherent worth and dignity of every person. EVERY person! It is an important principle as we are humanistic at our core and respecting our fellow beings is a good basis for a good, peaceable, and stable world. Even the Golden Rule, or even better, The Platinum Rule, gets to the idea that we need to be good to each other: Treat others how you want to be treated or treat others how they want to be treated. And we should be good to each other, or at the very least “harm ye none!” But our Principle goes past how we act and gets more into our hearts, challenging us to see the worth in everyone and to see them as dignified – due respect and honor. That can be very hard.

I’ll give you a “Life Pro Tip” to help you better follow our First Principle: stay out of the comment sections on social media! In today’s politically charged and divisive times, people are passionate about their views in a way that is aggressive and cruel. I have yet to see a productive conversation between two or more faceless social profiles/strangers where each states their opinion or viewpoint and then listens to the other’s side. Instead, there is attacking and name calling and memes and fake news links or dismissal or deflection or accusation…it goes on and it is exhausting. How do we see the inherit worth and dignity of people like that?

After the 2016 election, I posted a picture on Facebook taken in Joann Fabrics showing an aisle fully stocked with all kinds of beautiful fabric. The caption that went along with it was: “I’m going to my Happy Place.” Many friends understood and were likewise distracting themselves from the shock and horror that we felt. My father’s oldest brother charged right in though saying how great things were going to be now and how excited he was for the new President. I can tell you that I did not like him very much right then. My in-laws, whom I had held in very high esteem, had also let me down. One of my sisters, one of my brothers, both brothers-in-law, all fell from their places in my heart. How do you navigate that?

Even before the election, there are those amongst us who are just horrible people – it is fairer to say – people who do horrible things. I struggle with the idea of Capital Punishment. Some argue that it is barbaric and must be done away with. It is hard for me to not see the issue through the eyes of the survivors of victims of these worst kinds of crimes. It is well and good to say that you do not agree with this ultimate punishment, but what if someone you love is the victim? Is it naive to say that you would forgive the offender? How do you see the inner worth of a person who destroys your world?

This past weekend was Easter and four of five of my siblings and my folks and my in-laws were there. My other sister was traveling for work, but her family was there. We gathered in Adams County at the home of one of my sisters. The younger kids (seven in total) jumped on the trampoline and ran around in glee. Two large Trump banners hung proudly in the background. My brother-in-law is loud and opinionated. He is also really good with my 34-year-old cousin who has Cerebral Palsy and has always been in a wheelchair and “talks” but only in a way that my uncle and her younger sister can understand. He is always teasing her and making her laugh. The rest of the family are polite to her but he gets right in her face and whisks her away joyfully. He is also really good to my sister, who four years ago, after losing the use of her legs, was discovered to have Multiple Sclerosis. She is walking with assistance now and has lost too much weight and is often fatigued. They sold their previous two-story house three years ago and he built her a big ranch home. He will always take really good care of her.

The younger sister of my cousin with CP, right after her graduating from Boston College for film studies, was hit with a family tragedy in that her mother, my beloved aunt, was dying of cancer. Two months later, after my aunt’s death, my cousin stepped in and became the primary caregiver for her sister. She did it without complaint and with love and flourish, taking her to the zoo every week and on so many various outings. My uncle has since retired and is helping more and my cousin is now planning a wedding. This last Easter, we all sat around talking about those plans. We sat around catching up. We sat around just being a family.

I think it is important to not let these divisive times ruin our families and friendships. It is easy to take it personal and internalize the pain. But there will be an eventual end to this era and we are going to need to be able to navigate that with bridges and torn down walls.

Somewhere along the way, I realized that I may love my family, and at the same time, at times, not like them very much. And that’s ok and maybe the key. Sometimes people are hard to like but if we can love the core of them, then that is enough.

May 2019.

by Jaime Castle

Get Acquainted Dinners, the amazing social and epicurean feasts spearheaded by Ann Jarboe, happen about twice a year in order for new folks at Heritage to learn more about the church and UU in general. They are a good time to learn more about people that you’ve known for a while at Heritage. Les Tacy commented to me, “I love learning more about my friends at these!” This last G.A.D. was a luau and after feasting, we went around the table and spoke some about ourselves, focusing on our religious upbringing and what led us to Heritage and UUism. We also spoke about what kept us coming back. My story in regards to all that isn’t my focus here, but rather it was a phrase that was said that got me thinking. Kay Inskeep, in her introduction, referred to herself as one of the many “Single Married Females” here at Heritage.

I’d like to talk to that here. It’s a clever oxymoronic phrase, but is loaded with a lot of meaning. I am one and there are many. We’ve probably never given it much thought, as it’s just a reality, seemingly unremarkable. But these ladies have a struggle that is ongoing and ever-present that deserves a remark.

A “Single Married Female” (and this could go for males as well) is a person who is married but comes to church without their spouse. Their spouse either has a different religion or does not practice a religion at all. If they have children of school age, this means that they bring their children along, too, hoping for some moral guidance and religious community for them. There are a lot of personalities to take into the equation and it is different for each couple. But there is always a delicate balance that must be maintained between church and family in regard to time and energy given.

As members of Heritage, there is an expectation that we give of our time and energy. Rev. Leslie shared an article with the Board of Trustees lately that brought up the comment that the word “volunteer” does not fit when asking members to help out. It equated that with asking a dad to “babysit” his own kids while mom went out. The idea points out that volunteers are outsiders that help a cause, whereas church members are a part of the church family, so it is just helping out. When everyone gets on board with this, the phrase “many hands make light work” comes to mind.

As a SMF, I look at the many married couples at church and envy them – not in a jealous, spiteful way, but more in an appreciation that they get to share all this together. Even my single friends at Heritage, I see their independence as a nice unburdened freedom to give freely without worrying about keeping that delicate balance. Along with time and energy, there is financial support that is expected to maintain our church home. For married couples attending together and for single folks, making the calculation of how much to give is a bit easier as you are in it together or you are the only one deciding.

I have always struggled with trying to not make my husband mad with either giving too much money (he is the one that makes the bulk of the money) or giving too much of my time. Oh, I hear some of you thinking, “It’s your money too!” and I get it but still that fear is there. He did not grow up with any religion and sees the big megachurches as scams to make the pastors rich. I am not married to a controlling beast mind you and he has never said anything to me about it. But it is a worry that I have.

He has complained about the balance of my time though. Any week night that I am away, he is stuck babysitting the kids! I KNOW RIGHT?! It shouldn’t sound like that, but it is. I am the one who plans and prepares dinners, so if I’m not home, then he needs to have that extra duty. Nine times out of ten, he orders in pizza, and as much as the kids don’t mind that, it’s not ideal. My home on any given day isn’t the tidiest– they say that is a sign of a genius, right?! And I’m not a messy person by nature, but I just do not have the time to dedicate to closet clean-outs and finding proper homes for stuff. I need to keep on top of the laundry and dishes and once I get those caught up, it just starts right back over again. I’m like poor Sisyphus pushing that rock up that hill! My husband would rather I clean out closets then plan church events!

My mother-in-law once complained to me about my sister-in-law. She said “She really just doesn’t keep house well!” This made me super angry. I wanted to point out that maybe she should have taught her son to help out more. But it’s a fact that for generations, the wives were expected to do the housework and the child rearing. At least now we don’t have to do it with perfectly done hair and in pearls and heels! I’m excited to see how the next generations share in the housework and childcare. I will teach my son and daughter differently. He to be a partner and she to expect a partner! Or to go it alone? I just do not want them to feel entitled to have everything done for them.

But there it is: the struggle to maintain balance between church life and home life. Sometimes the scale tips one way or another, but it can be done. But give us some grace now and again as we really truly want to do ALL the things with you but we can’t. We treasure our time with you and we are grateful to our spouses for sharing us with you! If you ever see our spouses, often it is at a rare social gathering, it’s ok to tell them how great we are or the great things that we do. I say this jokingly, but really it does help. Often our spouses have no idea. My husband came to the auction/gala last year and the next day mentioned that a lot of folks spoke to him like: OH! You’re Jaime’s husband!? You see, usually, I’m Ben’s wife! So this was a fun turn.

So – here’s to the Single Married Females of Heritage church (and you males too!). We see you and we hear you! We wish that we didn’t have to share you because we love having you around so much. But we understand. We will be thankful for all that you can give and forgiving for the times that you cannot give. A little understanding and appreciation, as well as occasional forgiveness, help to relieve that struggle!

Jaime Castle
~Single Married Female, Modern Day Sisyphus, Balancer of All the Things

April, 2019.

by Rev. Leslie Woodward

“Be Kind, for Everyone You Meet is Fighting a Hard Battle.”

Every once and awhile it is useful to point out that I am disabled.

I have what is called an “invisible disability,” that is, a disability that is not always obvious to an onlooker or acquaintance but sometimes or always limits daily activities. This may range from mild challenges to severe limitations and vary from person to person and sometimes, even from day to day.

“Invisible disabilities” can also refer to things such as cognitive dysfunctions, chronic pain, fatigue, learning disabilities, anxiety, depression, as well as hearing and vision impairment and more. In my case the hearing in my left ear was severely damaged in late 2015. While I wear a hearing aid, it is nearly useless in loud conditions, such as in the Great Hall during potlucks or anytime when several people are talking at once, such as when we greet our neighbors at the beginning of worship. Because my hearing loss is due to damage in my inner ear, it can vary from day to day. Somedays I hear quite well, other days I struggle even to hear regular conversations.

Why is this important to know? You might think I’m ignoring you when I don’t respond to a question or comment when I simply didn’t hear you. You might get annoyed when I ask you to repeat something several times. I might mis-hear something that you said and seemingly reply inappropriately. Some tips that might help – catch my eye or touch my arm before speaking to me; approach me from my right side (my right ear is undamaged); or move with me to a quieter place for conversations.

The quote in my headline is from the Rev. John Watson and I chose it deliberately because it doesn’t just speak to invisible disabilities but to other things we cannot see. There are people around us struggling with incredible disruptions in their lives. Disruptions like divorce, custody battles, food insecurity, the death or severe illness of a loved one, the loss of a job — the list is endless.

Recently two students at Turpin High School died through suicide. While we will never know what drove them to this terrible act, this we do know — suicide is not chosen; it happens when pain exceeds resources for coping with pain. If you or someone you know is struggling, know that your Heritage community is here to help. Call me or Rev. Bill and we will find help for you to strengthen your coping skills, and live.

And please, my dear ones, be kind to everyone you meet. Above all else, be kind.

Faithfully,
Rev. Leslie

April 2019.

by Rev. Bill Gupton

At last! Spring is here. Have you noticed a little extra bounce in other people’s step? In your own? Can you sense the energy of renewal all around us?

April is always an exciting month to be part of the Heritage community. This month we have our annual Flower Communion Sunday (combined this year with an intergenerational celebration of Easter). We have the “social event of the season” (also known this year as the Intergalactic Gala – which science fiction character will you come as?). We have a very special worship service being planned for us by our teenagers (they will be presenting a theatrical production designed to make us think about “Us and Them”). At the end of the month, new members will join our church (if you’d like to be among them, please let me know).

And if the wider world of Unitarian Universalism is your thing, there’s the UU Justice Ohio (UUJO) spring gathering, titled “Where Values and Action Meet,” with local groups in each metro area of the state, including Cincinnati, convening and connecting with one another via the wonders of virtual meeting. Or, even further afield, there is the MidAmerica UU Regional Assembly in St. Louis, where our UUA President, Susan Frederick-Gray, will be the keynote speaker and Heritage Acres Memorial Sanctuary will be a visible presence.

Every week, every month, we continue to live out our mission to celebrate life, create community, and seek justice in the Cincinnati community, and beyond. This month, and this spring, I hope you will join us.

Namaste,
Rev. Bill

April 2019.

by Rev. Bill Gupton

One recent weekend at Heritage Church beautifully summed up what, for me, this beloved community is all about. On Saturday afternoon, two hundred souls filled the sanctuary, the lobby, and the Great Hall to honor and remember the late Connie Booth. The following morning, well over a hundred folks returned to the church for a very special Sunday worship service. In the course of about 22 hours, there were – by my estimation – well over a thousand hugs exchanged, not to mention countless tears shed, equally countless smiles offered, and ultimately priceless connections forged and strengthened.

I believe Heritage is exactly the type of intentional, multi-generational community people need in our fractured, chaotic world. Consider more of the things that took place, in our sacred space, in just one weekend:

We celebrated an individual life, well-lived, while acknowledging the profound pain and heartbreak of our loss. We lifted our voices in shared song – sometimes, through tears – in memory of the dearly departed. We invited children to take part in our rituals and our open, honest approach to death. We held one another. We shared laughter and memories. We broke bread together. We allowed ourselves to be deeply moved by beautiful music. We welcomed many folks from outside our church community with open arms and open hearts. We expressed our gratitude for human connection, and divine interconnection.

And that was just on Saturday.

The next day, we dedicated ourselves and our community to the nurture and care of a new baby in our midst. We honored the turning of the wheel of the year, and gave thanks for the approaching spring. We appreciated the gifts of singers and musicians. Our hearts were touched by a powerful story of invisible, eternal connection. Our hands were touched and our spirits were healed by holy water (gathered from all over the world, by us). Each of us was told, unequivocally and with conviction, “You are loved.” There is no more important message for anyone to hear. And friends, what a blessing it is, that the religious community we share is a place to hear it.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the privilege of serving this church. May Love always be, the spirit that animates our congregation.

Namaste,
Rev. Bill

(My Tribute to Connie Booth)

by Jaime Castle

From an email dated April 15, 2017 at 11:32 AM:

Following up on Rev Leslie’s story a few weeks ago, and preparing for tomorrow’s service, I have to say the loaves and fishes WORK! (or should it be works?)

I agreed to Bill’s request to provide daffodils, since the service will include our congregation’s very own daffodil / Easter story. Well, my daffodils tend to be on the early side of the season, and apparently so do most others’ gardens.

SO, I sent out the request just the same, and what came back was….most are gone, but you are welcome to what’s there.

Also, several of you are away, but gave me permission to ‘go pick’ anyway. I have a very full bucket of probably a dozen or more varieties!

Five from one garden, six from another, and so it went.

And tomorrow morning while choir is rehearsing, I will be in heaven while I play with flowers from your gardens and your generous hearts.

Thanks folks!

Connie

---

The above passage was the last email message that I received from Connie. I tend to forage for reminders of people: voice messages, text messages, or emails from them when they pass and when I’m missing them. When my beloved Aunt passed in 2012, I listened to a voicemail message from her over and over until my newer edition phone came along and it was lost. I wanted to engrain her voice to my memory. There is so much that will keep Connie in my memory.

My first memories of Connie go way back to when she led a Sunday service that was also a singing circle. She held rehearsals on Thursdays before choir met, just for an hour, weeks ahead of that service. I couldn’t join the choir at the time as my schedule with young Lucy at home made it hard. This was a perfect way for me to get out and sing. Connie was so welcoming and nurturing. We sang: “Lord prepare me, to be a sanctuary, pure and holy, tried and true” and “Doors opening, doors closing,” and also one that ended with “Be here now.” Showing up and being a part of this service did open doors for me at Heritage and I felt like it was after joining in on this that I started making connections. Music was a strong connector for Connie and me. I remember the night of the Italian themed fundraising party at the Lyons’ house that a bunch of us were hanging out singing bluegrass and folk songs together late into the night after most guests had left. Connie was there belting along and could have kept on going, but poor Bill finally, nicely, kicked us all out. Lol!

Another thing that connected Connie and I was sewing and she would tell me about things that she had made. She would show great interest in the projects that I took on. She would come to me if there was a fix that she couldn’t quite figure out on a garment needing mending. During one of my visits to her this fall, she had her wedding dress out. She told me about how her grandmother and her had made it. She had hand sewn on the lace appliques and was so proud of it. It was beautiful and elegant. She asked me to take it with me. She had asked me years ago if I had wanted it. I had used wedding dresses before to convert them into Flower Girl, Baptism, or First Communion dresses. She had heard of wedding dresses being made into Angel Gowns – beautiful handmade burial dresses and garments as gifts to the grieving families of babies that tragically die soon after birth. I had forgotten that she had asked me about it before and this time it seemed very heavy to take it from her after hearing her story and memories of it. It is in safe keeping for now. I do not have the strength to cut into it yet.

The emails I have from her all have to do with the gardening team that she guided. I have a good-sized yard and wanted to learn more about plants so Lucy and I would help along when we could. Connie walked me all around the grounds at Heritage teaching me about the flowers and plants that she planted. The giant Azalea bush in the front by our sign when in full bloom is my favorite! She would dig up perennials for me that there were enough of and tell me to go plant them at home. I learned a lot from her and now I have herb gardens, a vegetable garden, and flower gardens. I love to garden so much and I know that my space is only going to get better as I tend to it. I would have loved to show it to her.

Rev. Leslie’s version of the loaves and fishes goes something like this: Maybe Jesus didn’t miraculously create enough bread and fish for all the people that came to hear him that day. Maybe people combined their resources and took care of each other and that is why there was enough for everyone. Even the latter explanation is a miracle in its own way—humanity showing itself as innately good.

Our hearts still are hurting and our buckets are empty right now. Like the early daffodils, Connie is gone in body. But we have our memories of her and her presence is all around us. We need to help each other out, combine our resources, and slowly fill back up our buckets. Five from one garden, six from another, and so it goes.

She is in heaven. She is playing with the flowers that she has collected from our gardens – our generous hearts.

You’re Welcome Connie! And thank you for your generous heart!